4 Years You Raise Me Up

"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up

So I can stand on mountains 

You raise me up

To walk on stormy seas 

I am strong

When I am on your shoulders

You raise me up

To more than I can be"

Oke, that song accompany me in this morning while representing my feelings today. The core meaning of this song, person who were trying to get up in the downturn. Every problem comes, it can be solved by ALLAH and comeback to raise again even stand in the mountain alone.

It's like my problem, now i'm single. Yeah maybe being single still being a problem to me. Just 2 month i underwent this new status. So difficult to forgetted during i get 4 years relationship with him. Zzzzzztt.......! (Should be FORGOTTEN!!!) Nearly everyday i remember how long, how beautiful, how happy, how romance and little sad we are along 4 years.

Last night i spent a lot of tears to remember him. I openned the Twilight Saga, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn 1 and 2 the movie which is that movie we watched together along 4 years.

Ceritanya lagi RINDU banget nih.

Flash Back!

On December 2008, he cames from java to meet me in Bekasi. He was 3rd senior high school and i was 3rd semester at college. I know him by my friend. After we're undergoing proximity (bahasa Indonesianya PDKT), we make a decision that we want to undergoing our relationship to be seriously. I Love Him. He is a man who always help me in any situation. Someone who always give his caring to make me comfort. Someone who always escort shuttle when i need a speed with my exam. Someone who always give his warm with his hug, touch, and other. Someone who always hear me when i have a story in my every single day.

BUT...

2 years ago on February 2011, the world as it spins on its axis. He's cheating behind me. he has another girlfriend more than one in one time. My heart was broken. I can't do many thing as i do as before. But at the time i have the final exam in my Bachelor "Komprehensif & Sidang Skripsi". I was so desperated with all things that happened to me. But i don't want to dissappointing my parents. I should to finished my bachelor. And i do. I finished all.

4 months i don't have a relation with him any more, but we send each other messages, say hello, and we close again. We establish our relationship back. My world was delegated happiness back, more mature, more serious, more adventure, more romantic (Hahaa!)

2 years passed, i really enjoy my life with my lifetime partner i thinked before. But, the beginning of this years, my brain like invited to a headache thinking about. Because my family do not respect with him which is he ever unfaithfull to me. I always thinking, thinking and thinking about that. My friends are not agree if i continue it. They said that i more deserve a better man. And Finally i decided to not continue it. I broke that, i said that i can't to him. Again! I do mistake again. But i don't want to lose him, don't want to lose contact, don't want to hate, hostile, or fight. I just want to love him though it's a different position. I always pray for him so that he became a successful and proud his mom, dad, sister and his wife later. I hope he don't hate me.

And I hope this is the beginning of my life going better and i would find a better replacement soon. I was made my final decision to do not to contact him anymore. But i don't angry, revenge, annoyed anything about it.

Yes i believe that ALLAH will sent a better person who will accompany me becoming a partner of lifetime. As Soon As Possible

"Sadness has me at the end of the line 

Helpless watched you break this heart of mine

And loneliness only wants you back here with me 

Common sense knows you’re not good enough for me 

And all you had to do was apologize and mean it"